Category: Info for Parents

Demineralization – say what?!?
Demineralization – say what?!?

I was driving down the road the other day a flipped down my visor to take a look at my brows to see if they needed tweezing.  It’s a long story, but the short version is that we have fluorescent lighting in our house and it is horrible and makes it impossible to visualize little details like, “Do my brows look ok?”  It turned out that my brows were indeed in need of plucking (luckily, I have tweezers in the car).  I flashed a smile at myself in the mirror and was shocked to note how yellow and, well, translucent my teeth appeared. What could be causing that?

“Tea?  Coffee?” my helpful husband suggested.  No, that wasn’t it.  I have recently changed toothpastes to an all-natural one, which means that there is not added fluoride.  I also drink water that has been filtered for everything, so there’s no fluoride in my drinking water.  “Could theses things be the culprit of my clear, yellow teeth?” I wondered to myself.

It turns out that minerals such as calcium and phosphate help make up tooth enamel, along with bone and dentin. They also prevent tooth decay and, subsequently, cavities.  As we age, the minerals in our teeth can decrease. This may be caused by eating sugary and acidic foods (soda, coffee, and more). It can also occur when bacteria accumulate in the mouth. Sadly, once the enamel or bone are gone, there’s no way to get them back without replacing the tooth entirely.  As I looked at my teeth in the mirror, I realized that the discoloration just might be due to demineralization.

Fear not!  It IS possible to help replenish the calcium and phosphate minerals with lifestyle changes and home remedies before tooth decay occurs. This process is known as remineralization.

How to remineralize?

Step 1:  BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

Like a broken record, let me repeat:  brushing your teeth is important.  It removes bacteria. Bacteria cause cavities.  No bacteria: No cavities.

Step 2:  Use fluoride toothpaste

Fluoride strengthens your teeth and it prevents tooth decay via the remineralization process.

Step 3:  Stop with the sugar already!

Again, like a broken record: Sugar is bad.  It is highly acidic and it interacts with bacteria in the mouth, breaking down tooth enamel.  A special note: natural, unprocessed sugars, like honey may be among the worst culprits for harming tooth enamel.  Another special note:  it’s not the *quantity* of sugar that you consume, but rather the frequency with which you do so that affects tooth demineralization.

Potatoes, rice, bread and other starch-laden foods increase the amount of fermentable sugars in the mouth, resulting in tooth erosion, just as with “regular” sugars.  Combine starchy foods with sugar and you have a lethal mix.  Always keep in mind that sugar comes in the form of carbohydrates as well as sugar.

Step 4:  Chew sugarless gum

Finally, advice that is fun.  Current studies indicate that sugarless gums may actually promote the remineralization process because they help to remove sugar, plaque and carbohydrates from the teeth, while encouraging salivation.

Step 4:  Fruit and fruit juice consumption should be in moderation

It’s sad, but it’s best to not consume fruit juice and to consume fruits in moderation. Citrus fruits (oranges, grapefruits, etc.) are particularly bad for the calcium in your teeth.  Fruit acids cause calcium chelation, which means that the acids from the fruits bind with the tooth calcium and strip it away.  Simply said:  More fruit = less tooth calcium.

Step 6:  Increase your calcium and vitamin intake, including probiotics

Bonus:  eating calcium-rich cheeses might counteract the effects of eating sugar.  If your dietary calcium intake is low, consider a supplement.  Newer studies indicate that Vitamin D may be be important for protecting against cavities. Ask your doctor or dentist if they feel that a Vitamin D supplement might be a good idea for you.  Probiotics have received a lot of attention in recent years, and with good reason.  When it comes to your teeth, they can be an important player in the process of reminerilization.  Only certain strains of probiotics are produced in the mouth and these are the ones you want to take to aide in oral health.  These strains include bifidobacterium, reuteri, rhamnosus and salivarius.  Finally, take a daily multi-vitamin.

Step 7 :  Decrease your dairy intake.

There’s balance in everything.  Dairy is a great source of calcium.  But, the lactose in traditional milk products can increase the acidity in your mouth.  Consider opting for lactose-free, almond, or soy milk.

Step 8:  Salivate

Saliva is integral ot remineralization.  If you find that you have a dry mouth, then consider talking to your dentist about gums and rinses that can increase saliva activity.  In the meantime, start chewing a sugarfree gum between meals.

Step 9:  Drink WATER

‘Nuff said.

sensory play … and toothpaste
sensory play … and toothpaste

Sensory play includes any activity that stimulates your young child’s senses: touch, smell, taste, movement, balance, sight and hearing. Sensory activities facilitate exploration and naturally encourage children to use scientific processes while they play, create, investigate and explore. (https://www.educationalplaycare.com/blog/sensory-play-important-development/)

“What,” you might ask, “does sensory play have to do with dental health?”

So much.

Dental health is all about keeping the teeth and mouth clean, right? It is, but have you ever thought about the fact that you can teach your child about taking care of her teeth by letting her make a mess? … by letting him get “dirty”?

You can.

Start out by finding a tray (something that emulates the tray used by the hygienist at the dental office to hold tools for cleaning and other work). Now, your next task is to add several items to the tray that have to do with the mouth and dental care.  Here are a few ideas of items to include on your sensory tray:

  • String or dental floss
  • Toothbrushes (new and in the package)
  • Toothpaste – at least two tubes
  • a small cup
  • A pick and dental mirror … sometimes you can find these at a Dollar store.
  • plastic teeth, if you can find them…but they’re not 100% a necessity
  • but, you’ll want *something* tooth-like, whether it’s a plastic doll or just little white rocks.  Use you’re imagination.  I thought of marshmallows as an option, but decided not to recommend them since, well, they are not exactly a prime choice for promoting dental health.
  • and … If you’ve never seen the Doctor Drill ‘n Fill dentist kit by Play-Doh, look it up and seriously consider purchasing one.

Don’t forget to involve your child in setting up her tray.  What makes sensory play sensory play is that the child gets the opportunity to see, hear, smell, taste, and touch the items associated with the activity.  If you do all of the work and don’t allow him to touch and manipulate the items, then the sensory part of the play is lost.

Talk about each item and what it is used for.  You might make this into a game by asking him, “What do you think this is for?” Don’t discourage any creative or “wrong” answers.

Consider different games you can play, such as your child closing their eyes, you placing an item in their hand, and then the child guessing what the item is.   Or, you can play a simple game of “What is it?”  where one of you chooses an item but does not tell the second player what the item is.  The second player subsequently asks a series of questions to try to figure out which item the first player has chosen.  “Is it long?”  “Is it soft?”  “Does it have bristles?”  “Is it white?”  etc.

Keep the fun up by beginning to manipulate the items … let the child open the toothbrushes and toothpaste.  Let them move things around.  Let them dump everything off of the tray.  Anything goes (except maybe throwing and eating).  The idea is to HAVE FUN PLAYING.

Eventually, the cap of the toothpaste is going to come off.  At this point, you may want to tell your child something like, “The toothpaste has to stay on the tray or we will have to put the cap back on.”  Depending on your child, this may result in a disappointed setting-down of the toothpaste on the tray, or it may result in a mischievous smile followed by toothpaste being squeezed out onto the try.  If your child is of the first aire, smile and say something like, “Can I try something?” and then proceed to squeeze some of the toothpaste out onto the tray.

Hold on for the fun ride.

Because that toothpaste is going to get squirted all over the tray.

Cheer your child on as they discover the fun of making a toothpaste mess.  Encourage them to get ALL of the toothpaste out of the tube.  This will require fine motor skills, something important for successful self-brushing and flossing of teeth.  Talk to them about this.  Encourage them to use the toothbrushes to play in the toothpaste.  Let her touch the toothpaste and experience all of the awesome gooey-ness of the substance.

See. Hear. Touch. Taste.

The taste can be a bit tricky here, since you certainly don’t want your child to eat toothpaste.  But, you can allow for a quick attempt at toothbrushing and use that opportunity to talk about the importance of not swallowing toothpaste. Or, you can allow for a fingertip taste.

What happens if your child fills the small cup with toothpaste?

I don’t know.  But don’t be surprised if this happens.

As your child explores the items and PLAYS with them, remind yourself:  This is play.  This is for fun. and try to keep from stopping the creativity. Try, as much as possible, to keep from directing it, too.  Sometimes, you may have to give direction or a gentle nudge, but one of the glories of sensory play is that it is child-driven.  You may find that your child will ask questions like, “Can I touch the toothpaste?”

At some point, it will be clean-up time.  Involve your child in this part of the activity.  Have fun trying to wash all of that toothpaste off of her hands AND all of the other items that may have been coated in it.  Ask her if she thinks that squeezing out all of the toothpaste that’s in the bathroom is a good idea.  Gently but firmly let her know that this was a special time of getting to play with toothpaste and that she is free to ask you to do the activity again some day, but that if she chooses to use the bathroom toothpaste in this manner, then it is problematic. (How you would deal with this will depend on your particular parenting style.)

Pack away all of the dental play supplies into a bag when they’re clean and dry, then make a trip to the bathroom and brush your teeth together.

Congratulations! You have just successfully integrated sensory play into your day.
Mommy – My throat hurts!
Mommy – My throat hurts!

Mommy – My throat hurts!

When you hear this statement, as a parent, you should ask yourself some questions.

  • How long has my child been complaining of a sore throat?
  • When was the last time that she complained of a sore throat (ie, is this happening often)?
  • Is he having difficulty breathing?
  • What about swallowing?
  • Does she seem to be having a hard time opening her mouth?
  • Are there also complaints about joint pain?
  • Do one or both of his ears hurt?
  • Does she have a rash anywhere on her body?
  • Does she have a prolonged fever over 101F?
  • Is his voice hoarse? How long has it been like that?
  • Does he have any lumps in his neck?

Sore throats are part of life.

The most common cause of a simple sore throat? Viral infection. The solution:  Time.  Sore throats can be present with a cold or the flu, so, naturally, sore throats are more common in the winter months when upper respiratory infections are more common. Sometimes, sore throats are the result of a bacterial infection and these often require antibiotics in order to be properly resolved.  Allergies and environmental conditions can also cause sore throats.

Kids have sore throats more often than teens or adults and that is normal.

Sore throats can be an indicator of something more serious, which is where your parental detective skills come in.  Ask yourself the questions at the top of this post … if many of these questions are answered in a positive manner, then you need to call the pediatrician.

Always contact your doctor if your child has a sore throat that is not associated with a virus (ie, begins to resolve within five to seven days), is not due to allergies, or is not caused by environmental conditions.

When in doubt, check it out.

Baby, baby, please brush your teeth….
Baby, baby, please brush your teeth….

During these sleepless nights and long days of caring for your adorable baby, it’s sometimes hard to remember that this cute little bundle will all-to-soon grow into an adult. We don’t think too much about it, but consider how much your baby’s jaw and teeth and gums change between birth and adulthood! We start with a mouth full of gums and begin sprouting teeth within a few months. A few years later, we lose those teeth, only to be replaced by a brand new set … not to mention how drastically our jaws change during these formative years. The growth is astounding. Our bodies are indeed miraculous.

Our job as parents is to do our best to insure that disease and traumatic accidents don’t interrupt the growth of our baby, including the teeth and jaw. Of course, accidents are called accidents for a reason and, no matter how healthy of a lifestyle we provide for our little ones, sometimes disease sneaks into our lives. But, those things aside, here are some steps you CAN take now to help your baby off to a life of stellar oral hygiene and dental health:

NO SUGAR!

Don’t give your baby sugars. It’s bad for health overall and especially for oral health. The bacteria in our bodies love sugar. And, as you know from other posts on this blog, when the bacteria in the mouth multiply, a byproduct is acid. The acid erodes tooth enamel and that is followed by decay (cavities). No sugary snacks. No sugary drinks, in general. Especially be diligent to never, ever give *anything* (breastmilk, formula, juice, etc.) in a bottle immediately before or during sleep.

Minimize the opportunity for accidents at home

If only we could protect them from all the harms of this world … but we can’t.  You can, however, childproof your home. Here’s an interesting oral health statistic for you:  at least 50% of all accidents to teeth in children under 7 years old are due to children falling on home furniture.  No, you don’t need to get rid of all of your furniture, but do pay attention to sharp edges and hard surfaces.  The seat of a dining room chair is the “perfect” height for a small child to fall into and damage teeth.  Consider making the main play area away from furniture.  Once your child begins to play sports, invest in a mouthguard (ok, so it’s not really childproofing your home … but it’s still a good tip!)

Don’t wait to start oral hygiene

Give your baby a gift and practice oral hygiene now, no matter how small he or she is.  If oral hygiene is just a normal part of life, your babies will grow up naturally taking care of their gums, teeth, and tongue and will get the payoff of a beautiful smile.  Even before there are visible teeth, you can clean your baby’s gums with a clean, wet cloth after each feeding (brush after eating).  Once there are some teeth, begin using a tiny, very soft brush after each meal.  Don’t use more than the equivalent of a grain of rice of toothpaste.

Visit the Dentist as birthday gift

Turning 1 year old is an important milestone.  Mark it by taking your baby to his first dental appointment! Again, this sets up a habit of taking care of teeth and it also provides the opportunity for the dentist to detect problems early.

Baby, baby, please brush your teeth

You may think that we already addressed this topic in the “Don’t wait to start oral hygiene” section, but you’re wrong.  This encouragement is for YOU!  You strive to be a good example for your children.  Let that intention extend into involving them in your own oral hygiene from day one.  Take your baby into the bathroom with you when you brush your teeth.  Make a point of brushing after meals … and take your baby along, always explaining about the importance of cleaning your teeth after eating.  Make a game of it – Smile in the mirror with your baby, have fun and enjoy these precious months!

Don’t be afraid…
Don’t be afraid…

Oral health. It’s important. Going to the dentist for preventative and maintenance care is a key factor in ensuring that your child has great oral health. Maybe you, yourself, fear going to the dentist. Or, maybe your best friend has told you stories about how her child fears going to the dentist and what an ordeal it is to get her teeth cleaned.

What can you do to decrease your child’s fears and anxieties about going to the dentist?

  • Do NOT tell them that it is scary. Instead, exude a sense of excitement about how cool it is to go to the dentist.
  • Start taking your child to the dentist early. If you child grows up going to the dentist regularly, then she is less likely to equate this activity as something to fear or be anxious about.  Instead, you can set out your semi-annual visits as a special “date” and a fun event that happens regularly.
  • Before you go to the dentist, educate your child about what to expect. Sure, going to the dentist can seem like a trip to a foreign country with all of the peculiar goings-on in the office.  Let your child know what to expect.  You can also read books about going to the dentist, watch videos on the internet (make sure to preview first!), and make-believe “Going to the Dentist.”
  • Give them the experience as an observer. Part of educating your child is to lead by example.  Schedule a dental appointment for yourself prior to when your child’s appointment will be and take your child with you.  Now, if you are one of the approximately 15% of adults who fear going to the dentist, you will have to exercise your best self-control and make use of your best acting abilities to exude excitement and calm about going!
  • Take the time to find a good pediatric dentist. Especially for small children, these offices are an excellent choice because they will often use smaller instruments, give better treasure chest rewards after the appointment, and provide a child friendly environment.
  • During the exam, stay with your child and remain calm and positive and curious. This behavior will calm and reassure your child.
  • Finally, remind your child that this is something that everyone does (or should do) and that it will help them to be healthy and strong.

It’s true, going to the dentist can be stressful, especially when there are procedures to be completed.  But with encouragement and a positive attitude, your child can and will enjoy this part of their healthcare.

 

How to Care for your Child’s Toothbrush (and your own!)
How to Care for your Child’s Toothbrush (and your own!)

Today’s blog is short and sweet, but oh-so-important.

Oral hygiene is of paramount importance. Brushing twice a day, flossing, going to the dentist.

But so often, we neglect that crucial component of oral hygiene:  The Toothbrush.

To care properly for your child’s toothbrush:

  • Ensure that it is THOROUGHLY RINSED after each use. Also, encourage your child to shake off the excess water and allow the toothbrush to fully dry between uses.  These practices reduce the growth of bacteria on the brush.
  • STORE the toothbrush in an UPRIGHT position and without touching another brush. Doing this avoids spreading germs and encourage complete drying.
  • Use mouthwash to SANITIZE your child’s toothbrush overnight (or dip it into boiling water for a few seconds) WHEN YOUR CHILD IS ILL.
  • This may seem like a silly recommendation, but its worth mentioning: DON’T SHARE toothbrushes.
  • REPLACE the toothbrush no more than every 3 months. If the bristles are fraying, it’s time.

Brushing is much more effective in helping your child’s teeth to be healthy when the toothbrush is “healthy,” too.

TV’s Influence On Kids Eating Habits
TV’s Influence On Kids Eating Habits

Watching television can have a negative impact on your child’s overall eating habits. On average, children living in America spend six (6) hours or more watching movies, TV programs with commercials, and/or playing video games. Documented studies have shown, that the more time spent in front of a television, the more body weight increases (this is true for children, as well as adults).  This may be the result of a combination of being sedentary in front of a screen, and also not paying attention to what is being consumed.

Commercials are made to sway the viewer, in order to desire the product that is being advertised. Every day children may see up to 20 advertisements (more than 30 minutes), that promote a tempting food or drink.  Food and beverage advertising account for more than 50% of commercials seen during a child’s television program. Children, between the ages of 8 and 12, can view up to 8,000 food-related ads each year.  In fact, on a yearly basis, the food and drink industry will spend over 1.2 billion dollars on marketing food and beverages, to children younger than 12 years of age.

Many foods advertised are not a healthy choice for growing bodies and minds, as many contain large amounts of sugar, fat, and calories, while lacking in much needed fiber, vitamins, and minerals.  In fact, many food and drink advertisements shown on television, that target children, do not meet nutrition recommendations.

Is it possible to fight against those advertising and to promote healthy eating habits?  YES!

  1. Do not watch TV or use other electronic devices during mealtimes or while consuming snacks. Eating together on a regular basis, without distractions, such as television or cell phones, will offer the opportunity to bond as a family, and also promote healthy eating habits.
  2. When watching programs, choose to edit out commercials by pre-recording a program or renting child appropriate videos. Choosing to watch a public television station is also another great option, in order to limit tempting advertisements.
  3. Spend quality time together learning about food and nutrition. For instance, start growing a garden together, visit the local farmer’s market, or have a discussion in the produce section of your food store. Read nutritional fact labels, and use this time to educate your children on what foods are good for their body and mind.
  4. Open up the kitchen to children’s curious minds. Children love to help and learn. This is a great opportunity to teach about kitchen and food safety.  Assign young children simple tasks, such as setting the table or preparing a salad.
  5. Set limits on screen time. It is recommended, that children, between the ages of 2 to 5 years old, should spend only one hour a day watching TV or playing video games.
  6. Children learn from observing their parents; therefore, be a good role model. Choose healthy foods and drinks, limit your own time watching TV, and spend less time on the computer for non-work-related activities.
Best Foods for Kids in the Winter
Best Foods for Kids in the Winter

The days are shorter, temperatures are colder, and energy levels in children can drop during the winter months.  Many people, including children, may overeat during this season, and it is for this reason that it is important to keep vigilant with nutrition needs.  The following foods will help keep children and adults happy and healthy, during cold the weather months.

Clementines are cute little oranges packed with fiber and much needed Vitamin C.  In addition, they also have magnesium, potassium, and calcium, which are important for growing bones and muscles.  Not only are these little gems seedless, but they are easy to peel and fun to eat.  You will get 25 or more in a box (they will disappear faster than you can image), and in addition, each one has only 25 calories.

They are the perfect wintertime snack, and a great addition to any lunchtime meal.  An amazing sweet treat will be segments of a clementine topped with Greek yogurt and a drizzle of caramel sauce.  Another great idea is to add the bright-colored sections of this orange to salad and steamed broccoli, to make these greens more appetizing.

Sweet Potatoes are delicious and packed with fiber, potassium, and Vitamin A.  The sweet mild taste of this great potato means that it will work in a variety of recipes.  For instance, it can be used with macaroni and cheese, and even added to oatmeal or brownie mixes.  As an alternative to frying, they can be sliced into “coins” or long strips and baked with some olive oil.

Salmon is a great food option to beat the winter blues, because it is full of Omega-3 fatty acids, which have been documented to manage feelings of depression.  Making kebabs with vegetables is a fun way to enjoy this delicious and healthy protein.  Also, try your hand at making salmon cakes mixed with corn and rice.  By the way, who says that pot pie needs to be chicken? Try a salmon pot pie.  The entire family will love it.

Winter Squash is naturally sweet, and it doesn’t get the praise it deserves.  Roasted butternut squash is a delicious sweet treat, when topped with maple syrup and cinnamon, and then baked to perfection.  Try it!  The kids will love it.  Spaghetti squash is another underrated food that can be mixed with your favorite pasta sauce.

Cauliflower on the other hand is very popular these days. Cauliflower is delicious all by itself; however, it is very versatile, as it can be “riced” and used in a variety of recipes, such as fried rice. It can be mashed just like potatoes, to be a wonderful side to any meat dish.  It can also be transformed into a pizza crust, and who doesn’t love pizza.  The ideas are endless!  In addition to tasting great and being a versatile vegetable, it is rich in Vitamins A, B, C, and K.  Cauliflower contains potassium, manganese, and magnesium, which are all necessary for growth and development for young bodies and minds.

Kids in the Kitchen

Much like learning to drive a car, learning to swim, and learning how to read – cooking is a life skill.

Did you know that it is never too early to learn valuable lessons in the kitchen?  In fact, infants absorb everything that is going on around them.  They learn when you name foods aloud, and the whir of a blender can stimulate a baby’s learning ability.  A toddler learns by pouring and mixing, pre-school children learn fine motor skills by cracking eggs, grade-school children learn by chopping (supervised) and whisking ingredients, pre-teens can begin to follow simple recipes independently, and finally teens, who naturally seek to be more independent, can aspire to more complex tasks like preparing a meal for the entire family.

Before you begin, here are few basic rules:

  1. Until a child is old enough, an adult should always be present, to supervise in the kitchen.
  2. Hands should always be washed thoroughly before food preparation begins.
  3. Turn pot handles toward the back of the stove to prevent unwanted accidents.
  4. Do not “sample” raw meat or uncooked eggs.
  5. Allow your child to practice cutting with a butter knife.

 

Cooking is a basic life skill that everyone should learn.  There are many excellent reasons for children to be encouraged to cook, one being that it gives them a sense of pride.  Below are several more reasons to get children of all ages involved in kitchen activities.

Children, who are involved in the cooking process, may not be finicky about their food choices.  Being involved gives children an opportunity to view all ingredients and taste different foods.  It has been proven, that children are more inclined to eat what they prepare.  They may even find a new favorite food.

Good eating habits are encouraged in the kitchen

When children are invited into the kitchen, a dialog of good eating habits is opened, such as how eating a rainbow of colors offers a wide variety of vitamins and minerals to stay healthy.  In addition to discussing healthy eating habits, time together in the kitchen allows the opportunity for talking about other things, such as problems in school.

The value of planning is a benefit that is learned in the kitchen.  Cooking involves timing and planning.  For example, the potatoes should still be hot, when the meat is ready to be put on the table.  Also, you want to have all of the ingredients necessary on hand, to prepare a certain type of meal.  Time management is a skill that is used in all aspects of life.

Math skills are also built while working in the kitchen, as measuring ingredients is a practical way to show the use of fractions in everyday living.  For example, addition and/ or multiplication is going to be required if you want to double a batch of cookies.

In addition to honing math skills, cooking is basically a giant science experiment.  Children get a chance to view chemistry in action, by finding out what happens when vinegar is mixed with oil, or the results when too much salt or flour is added to a recipe.

Also, comprehension and reading skills are sharpened, as step-by-step directions should be followed and ingredients should be added in sequence, to prepare certain meals

Self-confidence is built in the kitchen

Children should feel good about creating something delicious and nutritious, and parents should feel good knowing that when children leave home, that they will not be dependent on frozen meals or vending machines for sustenance.

Besides all the great lessons that are learned while cooking, preparing a meal is also fun!  Spending time together in the kitchen with your children, not only produces good meals, but also builds positive memories.

Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution

2 girls fightingResolving conflict, effectively, is a talent, and if mastered at a young age will carry through into adulthood.  By aiding children in learning how to manage conflict, we will help them to experience a joyful social life filled with genuine friendships. By equipping children of all ages with conflict resolution strategies, we will help them in being a good friend.  Outlined below are several strategies that are proven to be effective in resolving conflicts in most situations.

Relax

Frustration, anger, and other strong emotions may run high during a conflict; therefore, all parties need to step away and calm down.  Attempting to resolve an issue, while children are upset will never work.

Listen, Speak, and Understand

Once everyone is calm, each child should have the opportunity to state their view of the problem.  Placing blame and focusing on the cause of the conflict is rendered ineffective, and a workable solution will never be reached.  Instead use “I” statements, such as, “I feel hurt when…”

While one party is speaking calming, the other party should be listening.  Listening is something that can be difficult, and if this is not mastered as children, it will never be part of their adult lives.  Active listening requires one person to actually see the situation from the other person’s view – even if they don’t agree.  In addition, active listening means that you are looking (not staring) at the other person, to indicate that they have your full attention.  Also, do not interrupt when the other person is speaking, but add some “listening noises”, to confirm that you are hearing and understanding what the other person is saying.  Finally, when the other person is finished speaking, repeat what they have said, so that you understand, and the other person feels confident that they have relayed their feelings in a way they feel valued.

Apologize

kids making up after a fightAn apology is the first step to repairing damaged relationships, and makes improvements from this moment forward.

When an apology is good and sincere, the other person should be hearing regret, responsibility, and a willingness to remedy the situation.  Using the words “I’m sorry” is not enough, as you also need to acknowledge how the other person was hurt by your actions and/or words.  Also, offer suggestions as to how you will fix the current situation and avoid it in the future.

In addition to apologizing, ask for forgiveness for your part in the conflict.

On the other hand, an insincere or “bad” apology falls short, if the victim is blamed or criticized, behavior is justified, or excuses are made, and consequences are minimized.  An example of a bad apology would be, “it was just a joke”.

Find a Solution

Children should be empowered to brainstorm a solution on their own, with the aim being to find a solution that makes everyone satisfied with the results.  Children should be reminded that every opinion should be heard, and that no idea should be criticized or deemed “silly”.  Writing down any and all ideas is a great way to view a feasible solution, and to resolve a conflict.

Summary

 

Calm Down

Reflect on the conflict

Relay your feelings

Listen to the other person

Find a solution

Discuss how each person will behave differently in the future

Speak calmly again, if current solution is not working for both parties

 

Brought to you by Kidds Place